Lately I’ve been a bit stressed because there have been some changes going on in my life. Last month I have lost my best friend, my shifts at work aren’t what I want them to be, and my relationship with my boyfriend has changed into something that will benefit both of us in our journey to happiness, but feels scary and uncomfortable. There has been so many shifts and changes with myself that I find I need to take time and be kind to myself so I can adjust.
I’m kind of a funny gal, and being a Libra on the Virgo cusp always makes life (and the way that I handle it) very interesting, and somewhat entertaining for those who are close to me. First of all, like most people, I like to know what’s going to happen with my future, I tend to want to control things in the present because I would like them to turn out a certain way. WHY do we do this? Are we the all knowing magical wand of outcomes that always knows what’s best for us and everyone else? Do you find yourself in the same situation, repeating the same stuff, just in a different circumstance with different players? I think that we all unconsciously do this in some degree. I also like to distract myself with the glittery things in life like shopping and social engagements. You ladies know…lol!
When I was going through a tremendous change in my life (willingly manifested on my part but not realizing what I really asked for) I knew that I had to lose the old to get to the new. For example, I had to leave my emotionally void, enabling, unhealthy relationship, lose some material things acquired with that relationship, and subconsciously change my way of thinking about myself and others to attract the awesome new things that I wanted. This at first seemed great..a big sigh of relief, but then it started..I was compelled to get things done, get it signed, make things work out my way. I rushed to get things signed, split things up, and design my comfortable little divorcee world. Not what happened!
When I look back at my whirlwind of change during those 3 years, I am so thankful that I always ask for God to guide my path, for him to light the way, and give me the strength to follow his way (which is always best) and to give me insight to see what I need to change. When I put my faith in god and his guiding hands, it was scary because nothing ever worked out the way I thought it should. At the time when the father of my children kept disapearing, I was angry, hurt, very overwhelmed and stressed, and depressed but pumped too full of adrenaline to feel it. I wanted him to sign divorce papers before he totally flew the cuckoos nest and get things final. During this time he would come back and forth to spiratically see the kids and give me his non-realistic solutions for our divorce but doing absolutely nothing to back anything up. He would tell me stories of my friends wanting to meet up with him for a coffee and a bashing session, and then blame me for all his problems in life and his bad choices. I was so angry and frustrated that he kept dodging his legal responsibilities, and at the people who I thought were my friends, I couldn’t see what was going on in the background which of course, was the right thing to benefit me and my children. At that time, I was still trying to grasp, and actually practice letting go and letting God, and trying through all the chaos, and loss.
One thing my dad kept telling me was “be patient, time fixes all things…time will take care of your situation and things will work out better. We can’t always see what is best, but with time, all is relieved.” I always kept that in mind, and he was right. When he disappeared for good and my current divorce papers were now void, it was the best thing that could have happened. Those people that wanted to cause trouble and make my life difficult did me the biggest favor ever. He went away and shirked his responsibilities because he wanted to get even with me after talking to these people. In turn, I received full custody of my children and control of the visitation. I am living a life debt free with no financial obligations, and I am living in a bigger house, a nicer neighborhood, and my children go to a better school, have better friends, and they are stable and happy and have regained their sense of self through the pain and loss of the divorce of their parents.
Through times of change and loss, the pain sometimes seems unbearable, and we fear what will happen next. One of my biggest mistakes was not focusing on the present moment enough, and having faith that this is happening for my greatest good (even though I didn’t always see it). I clung on to the familiar and was scared to let go. This ultimately didn’t stop my journey to wholeness, but made it a bit more difficult. Actually a lot!
There are some wonderful people that helped me evolve and shift through my transition and I am so grateful for them. They are angels here on earth and are dedicated to helping others and teaching the art of love and healing. They have taught me about being my true self and how be genuinely happy no matter what happens in life. I have acquired the skills of inner strength and insight, along with being comfortable with myself and others truths and purpose in my life. All the personal work I have done in the past has all fit together, giving me a whole different perspective of life and how to live to our full potential.
Of course one thing that I am still trying to do regularly is to stop, and just be in the moment, and have tremendous gratitude for my place, right now, at this time. Doing this helps us take a reality check on our present situation and to remember that we are ok, and are in this moment for a reason. It also helps us to step back and make good decisions based on our present moment instead of making them because of a past hurt, or a future fear or “what if”. I have posted a link to Deepak Chopra’s meditation on gratitude. No matter where we are in life and what we have, or think we don’t have, we always need to be thankful in order to get more of what we are thankful for.
As long as we have faith, do our best, and come from a place of integrity and truth, things will always work out the way they’re supposed to. So hold on tight through the yucky bumpy patches, there is always a light that you will reach at the end of the tunnel…..then you’ll have the fun of discovering the next tunnel!!