I’m not busy “fixing” myself or “working” on personal issues, or consumed with a tumultuous relationship. It’s quiet. It’s peaceful. I like it…now.
I’ll be honest, and yes it does seem weird, but this being happy thing didn’t feel good at first. When things change in your life there is always an adjustment period, even for the good stuff. So when I found myself not reading all about healing something in my life I was bored. I even questioned it, feeling unproductive and lazy. Shouldn’t we all be growing on our path? Maybe I’m just neuveau lazy. Maybe I’m in denial. Maybe I should be just digging up something anyway, you know, just in case I might have an aha moment and my life will suddenly get even better. It all went through my head.
When you kick the adrenaline habit, life does seem boring at first. By adrenaline habit I mean the drama train. You know, when there is always something bad going on, or something you have to “deal” with. You are always in that flight or fight mode and you get used to it, and addicted. Your’e bored if there isn’t any drama going on and sometimes you create it or always find yourself in the “middle” of something. So when you get rid of the bad partner, get through the divorce drama, get off the loser man train and really figure out WHY you brought all this crap in your life to begin with (yes, it’s your own fault so own it) and you fix it….you jump off the drama train.
So I threw out all the shame based “shoulds” and just decided to “be”. I took a short shift at work so I could enjoy the summer with my kids and man friend. Screw the cash, I wanted time with my favorite people. Instead of looking for stuff to do, I just relax and do what I want. If I want to take off for the day I do. If I want to watch Dexter all day I do. If I want to snuggle on the couch with my kids I do. I want to learn more about candle magic and sacred space so I’m doing that. I’m expanding on the things I enjoy doing, and without all the hassle of a bad spouse or boyfriend it’s easy. When you are in a chaotic relationship, or in turmoil yourself, you don’t realize how much of your time and brain space it takes up until it’s gone. I’ll be honest….I have a lot of empty brain space and time for good stuff now which doesn’t say much for my situation before, it took up too much valuable space.
I never realized the amount of energy I wasted on unhealthy things and people in my life until the past couple years. When you silence the chaos and clean out the negative both in your environment and inside yourself, you create space for new positive people and experiences. You create your OWN space that’s all about YOU. In doing this you also attract those that are interested in the authentic YOU and repelling those that thrive on the old chaotic you. I’ve become very comfortable with letting go and just riding the waves so to speak.
So this summer has been just that. Relaxing and enjoying life and my family…finally!! It feels great to sit back and love where I’m at. Mind you, I’m getting pretty spoiled and being a Libra I’m just sucking it up! Andre doesn’t help that either. He’s always got something nice up his sleeve. And that’s the secret…when you love where you are at, it attracts more of the same.
Even if you are at a crossroads in life, or just not happy with an aspect of your life, there is always a thing called choice. Wouldn’t you rather be enjoying life, being happy? Instead of wondering if your man is lying to you or where he is at tonight, or being angry at everything because you hate what your life has become, make a choice and take a chance. Chose yourself and always do what’s your hearts desire and everything always works out.