So 2012 was a great year for me and ended superbly I must say! Although I work all through the Christmas holidays, I super extend my Christmas for about a week and a half at least. I have my dinner early for my family, then we hop around and enjoy our time at friends and families homes the rest of the holidays. We were all super spoiled this year and loved every minute of it!! Even my work partners made our time positive and fun for us and our residents we take care of. Most of them miss their families at Christmas so it’s nice to be able to put a smile of their faces and make it a happy day for them also. Tis year I also did some spiritual celebrating (which makes more sense to me than stories of Santa and all that jazz) So I observed the winter solstice and the celebration of the dark and light.
Then the rush is over. The great times, the laughs and all the fabulous gifts. January……I don’t even want to begin….but I must….
Winter is a poopy time for most people. You’re unmotivated, you gain weight, you get addicted to the shows you vowed you would never watch…you get it. Well because my depression likes to jump out and take center stage this time of year with the enthusiasm of a glee singer, I’m right up there…sporting some pretty awesome fuzzy jammies for the part I must add!
Winter is an awful season for people with depression. We struggle with it. We cant “snap out of it!” as those perky people squak in our face as we burst into tears and then feel even more horrible then go home and eat a cake or in my case a bag of chips. As you guessed it, this is my favorite time of year…NOT!!!
Lucky for me, I am not a stranger to depression, so I know what to do to get myself out of the ickies. Not that I always do it, but I know what to do.
First of all I have to say that I am on Cymbalta. This is a wonderful medication that keeps my brain chemicals in balance so I don’t slide off the deep end. I have been on and off this medication for the last 20 years (mostly off) but I’m finding because of my age and other woman issues it’s in my best interest (and my family’s) that I remain on it for now. My depression is more than likely caused by my wonderful genetics I inherited from my mom, along with anxiety issues I had in the past. I am on the lowest dose and probably could increase it this time of year but because I know myself and my yucky self so well, I choose other methods to keep myself mentally healthy. A good diet along with increased exercise is important. I’ve been very lazy in the exercise department. I know I have to force myself to go to the gym and work out. I will!!! Tomorrow!!! lol! Supplements are also good. I take vitamin D and B12 along with a multi vitamin. I’ve also been taking oil of oregano to boost my immune abilities which is a great anti bacterialanti viral and I haven’t gotten sick this winter yet……lol.
I also highly recommend alternative holistic healing methods like meditation and energy clearing. As an emotional person I readily pick up on other’s stuff. I work in an environment where there is illness and death and negativity rampant. As we travel around doing our daily tasks, we brush up on other’s energy also and that can drain you and make you feel tired or just plain miserable for no reason. I went shopping to my favorite store in Ferndale,MI and bought some cellanite and I meditate with that and use it in my candle rituals.
I also have embraced some of the original seasonal celebrations. Being a nature and animal lover, these traditions make sense to me. I have incorporated the traditions into my own cycle of healing and how I process both the light and dark parts of my human experience.
“If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity prosperity would not be so welcome.” -Anne Bradstreet
So this is my huge hurtle I have overcame!!!
I have been on the fast train of evolution for the past 20 years, but have taken a long much needed break. I have actually been able to enjoy the fruits of all my labor and it’s been wonderful. This time of year (the dark time) tends to bring out the dark stuff in me and this year it packed a punch. I kept experiencing anger and frustration and couldn’t figure out why. I felt like crap and knew that I needed to dig into my mind and really see why I was acting out this way. I knew it was old crap. The childhood stuff that stays in your subconscious and makes your present life miserable and crazy. I needed to dig it out stat!!
The most frustrating thing about our minds is that our subconscious doesn’t know what’s real or not. (that’s why visualization works so well when we meditate or manifest) So when we have unsolved junk in there and it’s triggered by something, our nuro transmitters still go off in that pattern it was formed in. For instance, as a child if you were abandoned or betrayed by someone you were bonded to and trusted, you more than likely formed an unconscious belief that people who you become emotionally bonded to leave. You therefore continue this into adulthood. If you get to close to someone, you bolt. This was a protection response our brain did for survival as a child but no longer is needed as an adult. Until you dig deep and heal this response, you will probably not have a fulfilling relationship and wonder why you are so lonely. The other thing is our subconscious only reveals these traumatic things to us when we are ready to deal with it. Sometimes we can’t emotionally handle the truth of our hurt and it stays buried until we are stronger or have unveiled and healed ourselves to a point where we can now handle the trauma.
So I set out with my selenite, celestite and my white cleansing candle and prayed. I asked for clarity and the reason why I was acting out like this. I begged my guides and asked God and the Goddess for strength and vision to see what the F was going on! I wanted to get to the core of the matter. The original event that was buried deep in my head. The junk that only my higher self knew about and I was hoping that it was the right time for her to reveal it to me so I could move on to clearing away the junk.
The next morning I woke up with a vision about my father. Eureka !! I have worked so hard to overcome and heal my mother issues but had some lose ends with my dad issues. And holy cow there was a lot!!! So I thanked my guides, God, the Goddess, and my higher self for helping me see. Now I prayed for guidance to heal the issue. Perfect timing for my new moon ceremony and I had all the right stuff from my visit to my fav store. So now with the knowledge of what was blocking my road to inner peace and creating negative reactions to release anger and frustration, I have the power to heal and let go of these issues.
This New Moon, I did a manifestation and meditation on health and healing. I purchased an emotional stability candle at The Candle Shoppe and lit that as well.
I will write about my moon ceremony and what healing tools I used in my next blog post.
So to all of us gloomy folks out there it’s OK!! You are not alone. There are more people than will admit who deal with issues of this sort, and many who are on some sort of medication so they can function in this high stress society we live in. Times are changing and even though change is slow we can always find someone who understands and is in the same place as us.
“The black moment is the moment when the real message of transformation is going to come. St the darkest moment comes the light.” -Joseph Campbell
A year of forests. A year of healing. A year of vision. A year of passion.
A year of rebirth. A year of rebirth. This year may we renew the earth.
Let it begin with each step we take. Let it begin with each change we make.
Let it begin with each chain we break. And let it begin every time we awake.