As I travelled to Toronto the other day for an Angel Card Course, I stretched my faith some more. I rode through my anxiety, I trusted myself that I could do this alone and be OK. The thing is, I KNOW why I’m doing things in my life, and why certain people cross my path and stuff is presented to me. I don’t always know the bigger plan or picture, but I know it’s a step to something. Just like my Reiki practice has given me the opportunity to open up more, this trip was a biggie. Andre knew it, so when I was hesitant he booked it with me. Then when I was reluctant to seal the deal with travel plans, he went ahead and booked it for me. “You’ll be great! You need to do this! I’m proud of you!” He kept saying. He is truly a blessing I love so much.
This trip has been so very awesome and so terrifying all at the same time! I don’t like travelling and I like it less when I do it by myself. So this was a stretch for me. That’s the point…and that’s my next step in the grand scheme of my evolution. It’s time to get out of my box. It’s time to stretch out and have faith in myself and my abilities, and it’s time to open my heart more and let more in.
It’s hard. Getting out of a comfort zone. For me right now it’s very hard. I’ve created a very safe atmosphere around myself and it’s very comfortable. But it’s not helping my growth. It was a great hiatus, but that time is over. Now my little bubble of comfort is not comfortable when it comes to my healing practice or my purpose.
Because I have trusted too much in the past, I have been very hurt, and lost so much, so I keep closed and away. I like that. It’s safe. But it’s not acting in my highest good anymore. I also have recently healed some past life issues. I have died young in a few of them, and lost big in love and life in others. This realization has caused amazing and awesome healing, but also has brought out some other fear issues. I am not filled with worry or fear, it doesn’t consume my life. I’m just comfortable the way I have set things up.
In my present life,I feel peace inside. A new feeling for me and I am so grateful for it. I know myself, my true self. Not the one the church, society, or my parents told me to be, or abused me into… but the REAL me. I like it, and myself. I am balanced and have good personal power. Because I don’t have all that chatter in my mind from stressful living conditions or trying to distract myself from life, I am peaceful. I love it. I have a home where our uniqueness is celebrated and it is safe to be yourself. I have a partner who is on the same page as me. There are no issues of trust, and we both thrive on personal growth. We are both involved in different paths in this lifetime and support and cheer each other on in our success, both personal and professional. It’s nice to finally be with someone in a relationship where there’s no stress. It just is, and it’s good.
Here’s the thing. I need to open up. I need to seek like minded friends and hang out with them regularly. I have friends, but this is different. I need the healing practice, mentor, and be connected with friends. This means being uncomfortable and unsafe. I have to let people in my heart and my space. Not cool. But very necessary. Soo much so that not following this “nudge” by my guides has turned into them screaming in my ear and “making” me be in situations where I have no choice. Not fun, but necessary.
So me taking reiki for myself turned into a trick by my guide. “NO! You need to be there for others so they will feel safe to change and not feel nuts when they tell you their stuff” they say! So I do reiki for others and I love it. I’m still nervous but it brings me such great joy to help people feel better and grow. I HAVE to do it. It’s a step.
Because I “know” what I need to do and what steps I need to take to get there, I have begun to fast track my growth with the moon cycles. Every two weeks I’m letting go of what does not serve me anymore, and two weeks later I’m manifesting and attracting the new things I need. Although I love this work,it’s not always comfortable. Change takes effort, focus and discipline. I’m tired. Sometimes I need to let go of pain and hurt. Guilt and blame hides where I didn’t think it did. Acceptance and forgiveness takes conscious decision and effort. On top of this all my body is changing. Toxins and chemicals make me ill. I can’t eat stuff with additives or MSG in it. It’s a headache nightmare along with whole body yucky feeling. The energy of people with toxic lifestyles and habits make me feel dizzy, so I have to shield myself regularly. I cannot eat what I used to or drink alcohol as much. Let’s say a depressing hardly at all. Lol. Like chemical toxins, it makes me feel sick. All of this is exhausting, high maintenance, and sometimes frustrating, but worth it.
So as I sit in my hotel room exhausted and overwhelmed and in releasing tears, I know what I need to to do. I was revealed the next scary step. And it is more scary than I thought. I will talk more on this in my next post. The readings that we gave each other were amazing. They were moving and eye opening. I loved it. It was truly a pivoting event in my life and everyone else that was there. But with knowledge there is responsibility and I will reluctantly but with courage press on forward.
So I say “goodnight!” And remind myself that I am safe. I am my greatest strength, and I am on the right track.