So here we go. Smooth sailing…life is great and I’m takin it easy recovering from my surgery and likin my time off a little too much! At the last full moon I did a fantastic moon ceremony. The full moon is the ideal time to rid your self of stuff you don’t want. People, baggage, issues, stuff…anything that is hindering your life from moving forward or wherever you want to go but backwards.
Mars has been in retrograde, and in Libra. Here’s the impact…
Mars is often referred to as the planet of war. Mars energy can be eruptive and disruptive. But Mars also governs passion, drive, and ambition. It’s the planet of action. Libra strives for balance and harmony. It isn’t necessarily that Libra IS balanced. It strives for and likes equanimity in all. Libra isn’t particularly fond of “war” or action, preferring a gentler, diplomatic, and perhaps more cerebral or intellectual approach to life. But we can’t live life just in our mind. Now putting this all together we have a slowing down of forward moving “action” and a more intellectual, albeit perhaps “wishy-washy” approach to business deals, communications, and relationships. We have emotions beneath the surface that may be glossed over instead of dealt with. We have repression, suppression, frustration, and perhaps oppression, rising up from the depths. What should be minor “blips” have the potential to become much larger than they should ever be. But if things do get out of hand, having Libra in the soup should help people recover their cool, but only to the extent that they are willing to get out of the raw emotions and back into the reasonableness of the linear mind. One of the biggest lessons we can learn from all of this is perspective. What you see is not necessarily what someone else sees and vice versa. It’s what you do with it all from there that determines what happens next. (from Voice of the Angels)
So back to my story…time goes by and it’s smooth sailing then KaPOW! Andre and I get into this huge fight and I’m spinning like a top with junk flying to the surface and all over like a milkshake in a blender with no top! What a mess. Luckily Andre didn’t react to badly to my sloppy awful behaviour.
As I sat and pondered what had happened, and viewed the situation as an observer, I realized that my anger was misdirected. Of course, as I looked back, I totally over reacted, and the situation itself was no big deal. I As I peeled back the layers, my reaction didn’t stem from what Andre did, but from way back to my mother issues. Here’s what happened…
There have been a few situations where we have been out and he wanted to leave and go home. I don’t go out much and I was not happy to go. The kicker is that when he tells me that I can stay and he’s going home, his friends tell me to go to in so many words or hints. I don’t like being told what to do, and I find it embarrassing and I take it as a gang up, and Andre is being the boss and I’m on a leash. Whew! So I lash out like a cornered rat and leave anyway but I’m fuming.
So here’s reality. Andre doesn’t care if I leave later and he didn’t tell anyone else to tell me what to do. It just looked that way. Next, there’s a reason why this keeps popping up and each time my reaction gets more crazy. That’s the thing about healing. When you ask, you probably aren’t aware consciously of the hold old wounds have on you. And the more you ignore the cue to heal, the stronger the message gets, and more frequent.
As I peeled off the layers (and reflected on what spewed out of my mouth that night), It brought up my ex husband. He was a passive guy who liked to be taken care of. I handled all the responsibility and decision making in our home. I burnt out fast and was progressively more resentful and angry every day. When I would get angry or snippy, he would play the “poor me I’m a victim” card. He would do passive aggressive things to me to piss me off and then when I blew up he was a poor baby. I was the mom and he was the hard done by abused child. I hated it, and I was very angry and hurt that he loved making me look like the bad guy all the time. He set me up and I can say that at the end of our relationship I hated him with a passion.
Then I peeled THAT layer back….I CHOSE a man who I had to enable and who made me feel “bad” and brought out my angry self. Why? This relationship constantly played back the old tape of “You’re not good enough! You’re a bad person! No matter how hard you try you will fail!” Where did this tape come from? My mother.
The blessing of seemingly horrible situations or meltdowns, is there is always something you can learn about yourself so you can better yourself. The realization that everything that is happening in your outer physical environment, is a manifestation of yourself is truly life changing. It’s about you. Just like someone else’s attitude is about them. So when I pick apart, layer by layer, to get to the core of my reaction, it gives me an opportunity to heal any wounds that are triggered, and to change my sub-conscious messages that were triggered to positive ones.
So that is what I did. I did some inner child healing with those negative messages that are deep in there, but not as influential as they used to be. I did some acceptance work with my past marriage, and I chose to not react when I feel controlled, but to ask questions for clarity and receive support from my partner instead of reacting.
Every time you find yourself in a situation where you feel the need to defend yourself, get hurt, or you keep making the same mistake over and over again. Stop. Step back. And take some time to personally reflect on the feelings the situation triggers and what events or situations these feelings are linked to. This is a time to grow and not be controlled by your stuff, but to be in control of your true self and not react to outward triggers.
Realizing that if you heal an old wound, anger or resentment, it will set you free to enjoy life untainted by negative scars and constantly reacting or being on the defensive. Your choices and personal beliefs will be based on your TRUE self instead of being tainted by the past. You gain understanding of yourself and others and in turn are slow to anger, and quick to compassion. This doesn’t mean nothing bothers you or you become a doormat, it’s quite the opposite. The more you heal, the more you become assertive and stand up for your healthy boundaries. You set your value system and by having healthy boundaries, you avoid getting into situations that bring about conflict or regret. As you get rid of negative baggage, your self worth increases and you are healthy and happy.